Getting to the Meet of it.

At the airport arrivals have you noticed that some people arrive with no one to greet them? Have you noticed that sometimes even taxi-drivers, on their day off, go to the airport and hold up a sign just so some poor displaced person can feel at home?

Well, now you too can join in the fun! Here's what you need to do:

1) Buy some crayons and some card (white card although if you have white crayons maybe you need black card).

2) Print on the card a suitably obscure greeting. Something like: 'enjoy our weather', 'welcome to our smog', 'avoid our cheese' and other friendly greetings.

3) Greet all arrivers with drums, flash photography and wild screams.

If you have some friends who are arriving from another country, make a card for them!
Impress them with your grasp of languages: write your greeting in a language that you don't know. Better still, write a greeting in a language neither you nor your friends know!

Identify your friends by some article of clothing: 'hello dirty purple shoes', 'welcome back wrinkled green trousers'.

If you are a traveller and arriving in a foreign place, you are an ambassador of your country. Greet all the people that you see as you arrive. If you can, tell them where you're from and how many people live there, what your GDP is and how your currency compares to theirs.