Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Killer Financial Instrument

Where I live we have a big central bank called the Bank of England. It controls much of the economy. Well, actually, it controls a small part of the economy in reality - the rest of the economy is out of control in private financial banking hands.

Anyway,  our central banking shop has the killer instrument to solve all banking problems. Whenever our finances go belly-up and we have to sell our trousers our head banking person deploys the killer instrument. This killer financial instrument is a letter to the chief Government Financial guy. It's written in red crayon on ruled paper and the hand-written words slant at a 30 degree angle to the lines and are printed.

This letter has magical properties. It's capable of reducing blood-pressure, increasing GDP and stabilising the economy. The letter is used as a last resort, only when war and invasion and wholesale firings of all employees have been tried. Indeed the letter is so powerful that it has to be treated reverentially. It is too dangerous to employ as the head banking person someone that can write letters (or write at all) and so we trawl society and employ the most illiterate person we can find.

The financial sector is picking up on this and is actively employing the best illiterates it can find to fill senior financial positions with the sole responsibility of writing letters in red crayon to the chief Government Financial guy (and each other) in order to avert financial ruin.

This powerful, effective instrument will soon begin to reap benefits once the financial sector has obtained the address of the chief Government Financial guy. Only when these letters are written and delivered will we see the economy start to depart from Financial Disaster station and head towards Financial Euphoria.

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